Hear/Say

Mt. Baker was glorious this weekend. Conditions were quite perfect. I’ve never had more fun on a  snowy mountain. My neck muscles say otherwise, but they’ve always been so selfish.

Distressed Damsel in Distress

Today’s Mind-thoughts:

I hate to back into gender-debates/man v. woman, because it’s a lot more complicated than utter equality (i.e. What, all that’s diff. is anatomy), seperate spheres (i.e. woman are masters of empathy while men are master…jk!), or… whatever else people can think of. I bring this up because lately, I’ve heard the complaint that men just aren’t as chivalrous anymore.What does this even mean?

chivalry /  ’v()lri/

→ n.
1. the medieval knightly system with its religious, moral, and social code. • the combination of qualities expected of an ideal knight, especially courage, honour, courtesy, justice, and a readiness to help the weak. • courteous behaviour, especially that of a man towards women.
2. (archaic) knights, noblemen, and horsemen collectively.
- DERIVATIVES chivalric adj.
- ORIGIN ME: from OFr. chevalerie, from med. L. caballerius, for late L. caballarius (see chevalier).

“chivalry n.“  The Concise Oxford English Dictionary, Twelfth edition . Ed. Catherine Soanes and Angus Stevenson. Oxford University Press, 2008. Oxford Reference Online. Oxford University Press.  University of Washington.  15 November 2009  <http://www.oxfordreference.com.offcampus.lib.washington.edu/views/ENTRY.html?subview=Main&entry=t23.e9856>

Mr. Darcy v. Elizabeth Bennett

My question is, when was this subconsciously attached to gentlemen-ly behavior: the way a man *should* act?

From what I remember, there was always the variety of men; the kind that were chivalrous, well-spoken, educated, respectful; then we have the mountain men, the rough-edged “bad boys” whose independent, masculine gruffness became an endearing virtue in contrast to those who– excuse my language– “place the pussy on a pedestal”.

That is the first mistake: assuming that once upon a Victorian time, all men were expected to open doors, take off their hats, and stand at attention when a lady enters a room. Maybe it’s because I’m Asian, but the history of respect towards a woman on account of her sex is totally different on the other side of the world. My own mother had to cook and clean for my father’s family on her own wedding night before she had the respective right to sit down and eat her own food. How’s that for the myth of chivalry?

So what are the complaints about? One acquaintance bemoans the loss of chivalry; her friend response with a quote from Dave LaChapelle: “Chivalry is dead, and woman killed it”. Is he saying that woman take too much advantage of men’s kindness?? And from what place is this stance coming from?

Let’s ignore that. Another one of my friends– incidentally, a “dude”– complained that boyfriends are losing touch with being courteous, considerate, and loyal. Driving a girlfriend home instead of making her take the bus home at 10 0′clock at night, for example. Granted, that might just be his own friend being what we call a douche-bag, but other instances– refusing to hang out with a girlfriend’s friends, or the little things like holding doors open (buildings and cars), buying dinner, even the courtesy of not pressuring a girl into sex– can we say these leanings towards these small, social customs of “respecting a woman” have been lost?

The complexity continues because these strange expectations can also be considered as sexist– can a woman not open a door for herself, or is it necessary to stand at attention and stop all business because a vagina has entered the room? Some girls love to be taken care of, protected; this is where the myth of chivalry lies. Their fantasy dreams of medieval knights in shining white armor (which, by way, would look fucking ridiculous) translates to the mentality of a modern-day trophy wife/ gold digger.

So I say: let’s get rid of this subtle lie that seems to elude sobbing girls who dream of being a damsel in distress. While types of relationships that are contingent on the man taking initiative for his lady do exist (Real Housewives of OC/Atlanta/New York City depict some of those unfortunate realities), I feel like the best kind of relationships rely on equal give and take, and love and respect based on personality and character, rather than the differences of their sex. I’d rather hang out with a man that gives everyone equal respect and courtesy, and I do expect the same “chivalry” from woman as much as men.

Graceee