Hear/Say

So lately. The deluge of terrible romance failures spilling out of the box office to hit you in your face.

1. Love and Other Drugs

Anne Hathaway being almost cool but then falling way off the cliff (in terms of smarmy, mediocre roles as any-girl-next-door) has been further declared as super uncool by this new film which tears down any respect I had for Jake Gyllenhaal of Donnie Darko cult awesomeness. First of all, he’s so gross in this movie. His hair’s too slick, He’s too typically bland of an archetype and the two together invites zero passion. The uncomfortable shoot for Entertainment magazine sums it all up, and the general feeling of seeing these two naked and embracing invites the discomfort of incest. Please. Stop.

2. No Strings Attached

Sure, Black Swan sort of gives Natalie Portman a get-out-of-shit-movie-free card, but it’s so disappointing for her to be in a movie with Ashton Kutcher. In a genre and storyline so typical and similar to the dreadfulness of Love and Other Drugs, no less. We know she’s a great actress. If you’ve seen Leon/The Professional or Closer she is obviously fantastic at portraying complex emotions reviving unique personas that stick: but why lower expectations at all? It’s a good thing this is out at the same time as Black Swan; I think most would rather see her with co-star Mila Kunis. Besides, can you still believe Ashton Kutcher is married to Demi Moore? So why does anyone still care about him?

3. The Tourist

At least we can count on Angelina to remain the fighting gun wielding temptress: the Dark Lady, in Shakespearean terms. She is the opposite of Gwyneth Paltrow, and that’s been refreshing (I guess that’s not saying much, though, Gwyneth Paltrow being terribly boring and snotty-like– if you’ve seen her goop.com) but after a decade of this whole “Lara Croft” character with different leading men, it’s clear that the movie attempts to marry fans of Johnny Depp and Angelina together in another sort of action-romance genre that recently includes Tom Cruise and Cameron Diaz’s Knight and Day or Ashton Kutcher and Katherin Heigl in The Killers. A slice of comedy. A portion of romance. A great deal of action. These seem to be too-obvious attempts and scrounging some quick cash with quick entertainment– everyone knows where the plots are going (oh, true love cannot be stopped or prevented) and the strategic combinations of leading men/ladies is really all that’s going for these flicks.

Also, watch out for How Do You Know. Owen Wilson plays the usual shallow failure and Paul Rudd is ever lovable and Reese Witherspoon as a lost lady in search of a leading man… also… plays … herself.

Just this week, however, some more interesting movies have come out in America: The King’s Speech, starring Colin Firth and Helena Bonham Carter, Blue Valentine with Michelle Williams and Ryan Gosling, and True Grit, a beautiful revenge western starring a fresh young girl and some  old dudes who are really convincing as cowboys.

The King’s Speech as historical fiction goes has already outshone itself with talent: the two main characters aside, Geoffrey Rush in a supporting role makes it quite the serious film.

Blue Valentine is a raw love story– young and brilliant actors Michelle Williams and Ryan Gosling make it real, and it looks to be darker and more persuasive then The Notebook ever was. The simple premise of a marriage going to shambles is portrayed through six years of memories and its attempt to revive the heartache of love over love lost.

True Grit is an epic Western directed by the Coen brothers– the cast (including Matt Damon, Jeff Bridges, and Josh Brolin) and the promising new face of Haile Steinfeld promises to be a riveting experience. A young girl searches for her father’s murderer and solicits the help of a U.S. Marshall to hunt him down.

So finally! The creative drought has blown over!